Before you put your hand over your mouth and shout "blasphemy"; "what?" "Did she really say that?" Just hear me out.
Funny isn't it, how we blame God or the devil for everything. O well, that's the way life gets.
But you know, I actually made that statement. O yes I did. It came out of my mouth one morning when something devastating happened or should I say when another unexpected and most overwhelming thing happened. It has been from one thing to another. And at this point, the pressure was high, so when this unfortunate one happened, I went into my room with tears streaming down my face, I screamed, "God, You are not fair" with so much anger, pain, bitterness and anguish. I felt totally beaten, my spirit was finally broken or so I thought. I felt I had reached the end of the road and I was defeated. All hope seemed lost. It seemed completely dark all around with no way out. I admitted my defeat. I was overwhelmed with grief and my whole life just came rolling past my face like I was watching a film; The pain, rejection, frustration, heart ache, wasted years, failures, horrible and costly mistakes I had made, the abuse, the emotional torture, delayed miracles, disgrace what have you, just came at me in a force. They played on and I cried harder screaming at God, "You are not fair. You do not love me. You cannot even give me small relieve. Why don't you just take my life?"
Did I hear you say, "O my God"? Well? What do you think, that am crazy? As I write this, I am actually smiling because it is funny now but I blamed God and was angry with My God who has always been there and has loved me so much. But I also know that you know exactly what I am talking about and that you may have even said worst things to Him. Your know how that you have prayed and done your best but actually lost that child, that marriage, that valuable relationship, that job, your health just won't get any better or how that your life has been a cycle of calamities. From one terrible thing to the other. You know how that you are afraid of waking up in the morning because you do not know what will happen next. You live life expecting problems instead of
miracles because you have come to identify your life with problems instead of the promised
blessings? You know exactly what I mean. You know what it like to loose everything and be left stranded in the cold not knowing what next to do? And all your prayer has been focused on God raining fire and brimstone or waving His magic wane over your life and the issues just disappear. But that never happens but rather things just keep getting worse?
Job was there. He lost everything...I mean EVERYTHING in one day but could actually worship God Job 1: 14 - 22
14 - There came a messenger unto Job, and said, The oxen were plowing, and the asses feeding bedside them:
15- And the Sabeans fell upon them, and took them away; yea they have slain the servants with the edge of the sword; and I only am escaped alone to tell thee.
16- While he was yet speaking, there came also another, and said, The fire of God is fallen from heaven, and hath burned up the sheep, and the servants, and consumed; and I only am escaped
alone to tell thee.
17- While he was yet speaking, there came also another, and said, The Chaldeans made out three bands, and fell upon the camels, and have carried them away, yea, and slain the servants with the edge of the sword; and I only am escaped alone to tell thee.
18- While he was yet speaking, there came another, and said, Thy sons and thy daughters were eating and drinking wine in their eldest brother's house:
19- And behold, there came a great wind from the wilderness, and smite the four corners of the house, and it fell upon the young men, and they are dead; and I only am escaped alone to tell thee.
20- Then Job arose, and rent his mantle, and shaved his head, and fell down upon the ground, and worshipped,
21- And said, Naked came I out of my mother's womb, and naked shall I return thot her: the LORD gave, and the LORD hath taken away; blessed be the name of the LORD.
22- In all this Job sinned not, nor charged God foolishly.
In the next chapter, his health was also attacked. Job went through all this but he did not quarrel with
God but rather worshipped God. I know your name is not Job.
You could also look up Hannah's story in 1 Samuel 1. Her husband married a second wife because her children delayed in coming. And her life became a living hell. She was humiliated, abused, insulted but amidst all these, she still went with her husband to Shiloh every year to worship God.
There are countless stories in the Bible of people who faced very terrible things. I am quickly reminded of Rachel who met a man Jacob, fell in love and after 14 years of waiting, on her wedding day, her parents gave her man another woman, Leah. How do you think she felt? She had to wait another 7 years to finally marry the love of her life. That is 21 years of waiting. And then children would not come. She must have gone through so much emotional torture with the pain, humiliations
abuse and all. Genesis 29: 16 - 35; Genesis 30: 1 - 22. I have not been able to figure out how long Rachel waited to finally have her children but God still showed up and in the end she brought forth the Promised Child, Jacob's heir.
What I am saying is that people have gone through worse things. Job even said in Job13: 15, "Though he slay me, yet will I trust him: but I will maintain mine own ways before him."
Many people have gone through what you are going through and made it. You too can and will. And it is still God who makes it possible.
Back to that fateful morning. After all the tears, I was completely tired and exhausted. I slept off for about ten minutes. When I opened my eyes, I picked up my Bible to look for comfort but I was too numb and my head too light to figure out where to look. So, I closed my eyes again, by this time, I was feeling very guilty that I had said those words to my loving Father. But before the guilt could take a hold on me and bring self condemnation, I quickly repented before God for getting angry with Him and being offended and asked for mercy. He forgave me and then I felt His love envelope me and His words began to flow in me and comforted me. I quickly looked up His love scriptures concerning me. That was the turning point in my life.
I really want you to know that there is nothing wrong with you and that it is normal to feel the way you are feeling. But do not let that feeling sink you. The truth is that God loves you more than you can ever love Him. Because of love, He sent His only begotten son, Jesus to die for you (John 3: 16). Look also at Romans 5: 8; 1 John 4: 16a; God loves you so much that He is right there in that situation with you. Isaiah 43: 2; Psalm 23: 4; John 16: 33
In the book of Matthew 26, 27 and 28 we see His love manifested. Only love could have made Jesus go through what He went through for your sake. I know the pain is much but can you try and let Him have it? Matthew 11: 28; 1 Peter 5: 7. God really loves you and He wants to bring out the best in you. He may not change the situation immediately but being with you in it, He gives you the power to be able to bear it. That problem could be the fire meant to bring out the best in you. As a matter of fact, change you focus and see it as the processing fire meant to make you and not break you. You can handle it. You can handle that pain, frustration, humiliation, betrayal, disappointment... There is still some power left in you to pick yourself up and take the first step. Allow Jesus love you.
But first things first REPENT BEFORE THE LORD FOR BEING ANGRY WITH HIM AND ASK HIM FOR MERCY. Do it now. Do not wait. That was my own turning point and I pray that as you do it, it will also be your turning point. Jesus came that you might have life, a good and quality life. The kind that flows from God. I pray for you today that the love of God will envelop you and comfort you from this moment onwards in Jesus name.
You can reach me through my email - thepricelessjewel@gmail.com. I would like to hear from you. Your questions, your comments.
